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Why we all need a Mark Sloan

If you’re an avid Grey’s Anatomy fan like I am then you know that season 9 episode 1 is almost as hard as season  11 episode 21. If you’re binge watching Grey’s anatomy right now then stop reading this cause i’m about to unload and it will ruin it for you.

Personally  I will say this, I prefer House over Grey’s Anatomy, or preferred maybe. Because it was less emotion, more medicine, more puzzles, more wit, and less reflecting. I watched Grey’s because i’m into the big shows, the big movies, the critically acclaimed actors all that. So I gave it a chance and all of a sudden I was sucked in and I couldn’t stop watching. The character I related to the most was Mark Sloan. Not Derek, not Meredith, and not Christina but Mark freaking Sloan. The guy who cheated with his best friends wife and took a beating for it to mend his relationship with his best friend. The man who was looked at as a sex toy and nothing else. The guy who flew across the country for a woman who didn’t want him but stayed because he wanted to be with his best friend. I really connected with Mark when he found his daughter Sloan and gave up everything to be a grand father. Not just any old grandfather, a present one, a grandfather that would step up and prove that he isn’t just a guy who is good for sex.

What made me really push for Mark was when he had a kid with Callie and he made that baby his whole world. Yea, she was with someone else but it was his kid and dammit he wouldn’t let that go. He gave up true love to be a father, to be a father who would love his kid and plan for a future with that kid.

You’re probably reading this and thinking, Riter you’re a sap, it’s just a character. If you’re thinking that then you may or may not have really grasped what or who Mark Sloan represents. If I had to sum it up in one word or two words it would be core value. Sometimes its so easy to get so caught up in whatever is going on in our lives that we start to accept it as reality. So we do what humans do, we adapt and try to live in that box that we created or was created for us. But at our core, at our center, under the epidermis is a heart and it beats and longs for purpose and value. That is what Mark represents. He is the hope in pandora’s box, he is the reformation of Martin Luther, he is the man who everyone thought to be a whore and turned out to be a great father. So when they killed him off, I found myself really processing life and what my core values are and come up with this.

We all need a Mark Sloan experience. To remind us that all the things we are going through, all the things we accept because we feel we can’t change is just smoke. At our core, at our center is someone longing for love, family, and a moment to show our true selves. Maybe you have it all figured out but if you’re like me you’re waiting and fighting for your Mark Sloan moment, where you can step up and say I don’t care what you say or think about me, at my center I am… and this is my time to show that not only to you but to myself.

This is why we all need a Mark Sloan, just a gentle reminder of what really matters in life.

The Big Kid

This post is inspired by Ed Sheeran, Happier.

Growing up I was the kid who would love to socialize and make jokes before I would do any form of school work. I was the kid who would convince you that not only was this prank worth it, but deep down you really wanted to do it. Im the kid who was always looking for adventure and a new take on life, a fresh experience, a fresh laugh, a fresh start. Unfortunately, not everyone shared this same view. I was 21 and I remember having a conversation with a secretary at my former alma mater, well it wasn’t a conversation as it was more a lecture. She looked me in my eyes and said “I know you want to be a conductor but no one will take you seriously until you stop being a kid”. There was more than that but that was the part that stuck with me.

I left that conversation thinking to myself maybe it’s time to grow up, not just for being a conductor but in life. So I did just that, I “grew up”. I got serious about everything to earn the respect of not only my colleagues but my future students. It was okay at first, but I was dying inside. I didn’t wake up with the same zeal for life. I woke up with a plan for the day and a routine began to set in. I was serious in my mind, I was grown. But I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t adventurous, I didn’t dream big, I didn’t hope that when I fall in love it was an aha moment. Nope, I was boring, I was practical, I was typical, I was predictable, and love was an app.

Why do we have to grow up? Why do things have to be so routine? Why do we wait until we are close to the end of life before  we decide that we haven’t lived? Why does growing up mean live less? Why can’t we all just be big kids? We let our age dictate how we are supposed to act, be, and or live. You know why it’s refreshing to see a 78 year old woman run a marathon? Because it’s amazing! She didn’t let her age tell her that she couldn’t do what she can do when she was 23. Am I saying we shouldn’t take our age into account and just go skydiving at 90? No. I am saying look at your life now, are you really living the life you want to live or did you just grow up? Did someone tell you that it was time? Did you dream big? Are you doing what you really want to do? Are you happy? Did you get married because it was time or did they spin you on your head and make you realize that life just got a little better?

I’m a big kid, and I will always be a big kid. That doesn’t mean I can’t get the job done. It doesn’t mean that I don’t know to balance a check book or how to keep cost low to pay the bills. It doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of holding a deep conversation or am not ready to be a family man. It doesn’t mean that I won’t settle down and be a good Dad. What it does mean however is that I will live my life and hope for a fresh experience everyday. I will laugh as much as I can, I will love as hard as I can when the right woman comes into my life and not because I’m moving up in age.

I will look for the adventures, I will take joy in making people smile and laugh. I will be the dad waiting with a nerf gun when my wife comes home from work with the kids; and still be the husband who will hold her at night and tickle when she wakes. I will be the protector of my family but at the same time make fun of my son when he’s scared to talk to that girl. I will give the boy who takes my daughter to prom hell, and walk her down the aisle after a lifetime of heartbreaks.I will be a big kid because life’s too short. I will be a big kid because life’s to routine. I will be a big kid because it’s what makes me happy.


The Single Friend

When did it happen? There was no 2 minute warning. No 15 minute snooze. You woke up one day and it hit you like a ton of bricks. You’re not the funny friend who makes everyone laugh, the outgoing friend who never turns down a dare, the one your girlfriends call for aa non-fat latte, or the one freind who people love to grab beers with. Nope, you are now the single friend. And sure, you’ll have some people who will say, “there is nothing wrong with being single.” And, they’re right, until there is.

Let’s be real here folks, when you’re the friend who isn’t in a relationship, cozying up with someone next to the fire during winter, or attending multiple Thanksgiving dinners to please both families, you have a disease. You have singleitis, and everyone is quickly trying to get you better. You’re invited to more game nights with Dave or Lisa who just happen to be single and around your age. Or you go out for coffee and all of sudden John or Jane shows up and they just so happen to like Mahler’s 5th. Or the blind dates that everyone sets you up on and not only was it a total bust you couldve spent your money on something you really like to do with someone you actually like. You go out so much after a while you’re tired of it all and just become a homebody, but you can’t afford to stay home, you’re single remember. You can’t meet anyone at home…well maybe with a click of a button; lets not get started on that.You don’t get invited out to certain events, you can’t relate to certain conversations, and everyone and their mothers are getting married. LIKE EVERYDAY!

Well single friends there is hope. While you’re “sick” work on yourself. Read more, workout more, travel more, self-discover more, cook more, learn more, do more and be more. Your time will come. Start to embrace your singleness for all it’s worth. You don’t have to wait by the phone, you don’t have to do the daily check in for check in sakes, you don’t have to share your food or go to that concert that you’re only going because your significant other asked you to. Most importantly, for my frugal friends, you just saved so much money on Valentines Day its crazy. If you really wanted that life size bear go to any store on Feb 15th and get it for half the price. Feb 15th is like the single black Friday, treat yo self. Embrace the single life for what it’s worth, cause when you get yourself right, more people will want to get right with you cause lets face it. It’s okay to be single, until it isn’t.

And to the ones in relationships, we’re not sick, we’re just single.


A Damn Good Reason

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Cue confetti, cue music, cue the kisses, and my favorite, cue that determination to change that I didn’t have but now that it’s a new year I have it in abundance.  What is it about the transition from December 31st to January 1st that makes us so pumped to get things done? Who knows but it’s a great feeling, and it’s just that, a feeling. Like the fickle crowd during the Super Bowl, the model on the runway, or the preyed upon chameleon, feelings change. So naturally that new year resolution will change from, I’m gonna be vegetarian to I’ll just try it out for 6 months, to a little fish never hurt anybody and by the time it’s December again you’re half way through a New York strip wondering where it all went to hell.


The question you gotta ask yourself is this, was I really motivated? It’s easy to set a goal but it’s a different thing to realize it. The clock hitting zero isn’t enough, what you need is a reason. Not just a reason, a damn good reason. Why? Cause when it’s February and you made the decision to join the most expensive gym in town and that last set is kicking you a new one, it’s your damn good reason that’s gonna get you through. If you just have a good reason, you’ll more than likely stop going, or go occasionally but that membership fee is leaving your account every month.

You’re damn good reason has to be YOUR decision made from a point of positivity and not from an external source. If you want to quit drinking because YOU were tired of the headaches and the added weight, GREAT. If you want to quit drinking because your partner is calling you fat and useless, no. When it gets hard you’re gonna resent your partner, begin thinking that the headaches weren’t too bad, and that buying bigger clothes will help. You never made the decision for yourself so you’ll start say things like, at least I made the effort right? Yea tell that to your liver.

Enough scolding here’s what we’re gonna do.

  1. Pick 3 things we want to change
  2. Pick 3 good damn good reasons for that change
  3. Get it done.

When it gets difficult you have to remember number 2. Change doesn’t have to be some 130 page book of self-help. It’s about how bad you want it and get it done. Not everyone is self motivated, but not everyone has a damn good reason to be. Now that you do, let’s get to work.