The Big Kid

This post is inspired by Ed Sheeran, Happier.

Growing up I was the kid who would love to socialize and make jokes before I would do any form of school work. I was the kid who would convince you that not only was this prank worth it, but deep down you really wanted to do it. Im the kid who was always looking for adventure and a new take on life, a fresh experience, a fresh laugh, a fresh start. Unfortunately, not everyone shared this same view. I was 21 and I remember having a conversation with a secretary at my former alma mater, well it wasn’t a conversation as it was more a lecture. She looked me in my eyes and said “I know you want to be a conductor but no one will take you seriously until you stop being a kid”. There was more than that but that was the part that stuck with me.

I left that conversation thinking to myself maybe it’s time to grow up, not just for being a conductor but in life. So I did just that, I “grew up”. I got serious about everything to earn the respect of not only my colleagues but my future students. It was okay at first, but I was dying inside. I didn’t wake up with the same zeal for life. I woke up with a plan for the day and a routine began to set in. I was serious in my mind, I was grown. But I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t adventurous, I didn’t dream big, I didn’t hope that when I fall in love it was an aha moment. Nope, I was boring, I was practical, I was typical, I was predictable, and love was an app.

Why do we have to grow up? Why do things have to be so routine? Why do we wait until we are close to the end of life before ¬†we decide that we haven’t lived? Why does growing up mean live less? Why can’t we all just be big kids? We let our age dictate how we are supposed to act, be, and or live. You know why it’s refreshing to see a 78 year old woman run a marathon? Because it’s amazing! She didn’t let her age tell her that she couldn’t do what she can do when she was 23. Am I saying we shouldn’t take our age into account and just go skydiving at 90? No. I am saying look at your life now, are you really living the life you want to live or did you just grow up? Did someone tell you that it was time? Did you dream big? Are you doing what you really want to do? Are you happy? Did you get married because it was time or did they spin you on your head and make you realize that life just got a little better?

I’m a big kid, and I will always be a big kid. That doesn’t mean I can’t get the job done. It doesn’t mean that I don’t know to balance a check book or how to keep cost low to pay the bills. It doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of holding a deep conversation or am not ready to be a family man. It doesn’t mean that I won’t settle down and be a good Dad. What it does mean however is that I will live my life and hope for a fresh experience everyday. I will laugh as much as I can, I will love as hard as I can when the right woman comes into my life and not because I’m moving up in age.

I will look for the adventures, I will take joy in making people smile and laugh. I will be the dad waiting with a nerf gun when my wife comes home from work with the kids; and still be the husband who will hold her at night and tickle when she wakes. I will be the protector of my family but at the same time make fun of my son when he’s scared to talk to that girl. I will give the boy who takes my daughter to prom hell, and walk her down the aisle after a lifetime of heartbreaks.I will be a big kid because life’s too short. I will be a big kid because life’s to routine. I will be a big kid because it’s what makes me happy.